Illusion

“But what if it’s not the right decision? Or worse? What if I screw it all up?”

“Everything will be fine; you just have to make a choice.”

That is what I have been trying to tell myself for days; just make a choice. But how am I supposed to decide when both options seem good and there are no downsides?

“I know that, in theory, but it is impossible in practice.” I realize I am whining, but it reflects how I feel so I don’t fight it. “No matter what I do, someone is going to get hurt.”

“And prolonging the inevitable is only going to make it hurt more in the end. I know it’s hard, but the sooner you do it, the sooner everyone can move on with their lives.”

I know she’s right. She’s always right, that’s why I go to her. Or did, back before the cancer. I look down with a heavy sigh at the tombstone as I stand back up. I wish my mother could still be here, instead of this brief illusion. I still have moments where I can trick myself into thinking she’s still around, but reality quickly sets in.

Somehow, I will make everything work, and I will do it on my own.

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